Satire: Odion Ighalo Heavily Linked to Every EPL Club
- Jan 11, 2016
- 2 min read
NB: Everything you're about to read is completely fictitious and was created purely for satire.
With the January transfer window now open, many have been speculating the signing of in-form Nigerian striker Odion Ighalo. Having scored 14 goals for Watford this season after being signed permanently from Udinese Calcio, Ighalo has been linked to just about every club in the Premier League, from AFC Bournemouth all the way through to Watford themselves offering a him new contract to stay with the club.
Following their 1-0 defeat to West Ham in the FA Cup on Sunday, Ighalo addressed the rumours of his departure from Vicarage Road.
"I certainly love it here at the club. The gaffer is great to me, I'm scoring goals and my team mates have got my back. The fans are amazing but most importantly, the ball boys are the ones that keep me coming back. Their tireless hard work often goes unacknowledged but this young lad Calum warms my heart and I want to promise him that I'll retire at Watford."
Strong words from a player who has played for six different clubs since 2008. It was only minutes later that Ighalo told Premier League reporter Dill Doe that the transfer rumours are hitting close to home.
"It's hard to ignore the media when they're so prominent in today's society. Hearing that big clubs like Manchester United and Arsenal are interested in signing me is unbelievable and flattering. But as I just said, my heart is still with Watford and there is nothing that will change that."
While Ighalo seems determined to stay put, his agent Gee Stringer has other ideas.
"Odion is certainly the complete package when it comes to Premier League strikers and there's no reason that he shouldn't be signed by a big club that wants to compete for titles for years to come."
Ighalo revealed a day later that he would be leaving the club.
"I have never felt at place here at Watford. I'm indifferent to how the season plays out and I've always felt like an outcast. My reason for leaving is the egregious attitude of that ball boy Calum. Little prick he is. My heart lies with Arsenal, Aston Villa, Bournemouth, Chelsea, Crystal Palace, Everton, Leicester City, Liverpool, Manchester City, Manchester United, Newcastle, Norwich, Southampton, Spurs, Stoke, Swansea, Sunderland, West Ham, West Brom and maybe I might stay here at Watford. But to set the record straight, I don't see myself having a future here. With that being said I'm looking at buying a house close to the training ground."
Upon hearing that he had made front page news, Igahlo released the following statement:
"I'm extremely disappointed that my words have been twisted in such a way that I have been linked to many clubs. I love it here in Watford, especially the ball boy Calum who has helped me settle in."
We'll keep you updated as we find out more.
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